In a New York Minute... anything can change.

So, since i only have a few more days living in new york city... i thought i'd reflect a little on my time here.


first, i have to say... it's been a beautiful ride. i absolutely love this city and all the opportunities it has to offer. it's been a rollercoaster of a year with the amount of changes that have occurred in my life... but, i am grateful for every day and every step that's taken me to where i am today. and for everyone that's helped me along the way... thank you.


i came to new york on an impuse. i was in a place where i was completely liberated to do anything or go anywhere i wanted. i had nothing tying me down anywhere. i was looking for inspiration. for something to make me feel alive again. to be around others that wanted the same feeling. so, without consulting anyone... i just went for it.  i wasn't gonna sit around waiting for life to happen. so i booked a one-way flight to the big apple with nothing but 2 suitcases, my guitar and an open mind. the only expectation i had was to learn and grow as a person and an artist. i've never been more open to life then i was at that time. it was scary and thrilling and gave me a sense of accomplishment by the very act of just doing it alone.


i lived out of my suitcase for 3 months... on couches, air mattresses... wherever i could rest my head. i auditioned my heart out...which could be a full time "job" in new york. i learned that avenues and streets are very different. i learned that i hate brooklyn. i woke up every morning with a list of different places and teachers i could take class with. i got my first dance job after my first 2 weeks. i met new friends. i became a familar face at auditions and in classes. i learned the city well. i fell in love w/ the subway and then fell in hate with it. i learned to audition for jobs i only actually wanted. i fell asleep and woke up to horns. i work/studied at steps just to get a discounted rate on classes that i had no time to take. i got to dance for amazing artists  and be a founding member of ron de jesus dance company and bennyroyce productions. i finally got to move into my apartment and was an official  new yorker... zip code and all :)


all in all... new york has been a love/hate relationship as most people would say that live here. even with the millions of people in the city that never sleeps... i find it to be one of the loneliest places i've ever known. everyone is on their own agenda with a survivalistic mentality. you don't know if people are coming or going. new york is like a portal. all the jobs are pick up (gig to gig)... so the inbetween... is fighting for your life to get that next gig. it's exhausting. you find yourself searching for purpose and some kind of routine to keep you going... but it's difficult.  i found myself longing for consistency and community. someplace or somewhere that i felt i belonged and was held accountable for. somewhere, where my presence mattered. relationships with friends that weren't going anywhere. 


that all being said... as, i will be very sad to leave this city. a city that i love, with people that i love in it... i am also very much looking forward to this new chapter in my life. a chapter that i am hoping is the best one in my book thus far. soon i will be waking up every morning with a place to be, a family of friends to see, and an opportunity to give of myself to a greater purpose. 


all to share and nothing to prove.


the only thing that stays the same is change.


so.....


meet me in st. louis :)